How to poo in a portapotty

I used to be the girl that did not poo in public. I rarely even peed in public. I worked at an overnight job for

3 years and remember getting a call that my uncle died, going to the bathroom to cry and thinking "This is the first time I have ever seen this restroom". I am not a lover of public restrooms. At all. When I started running, this all changed.I mean, it had to. I can't believe that I talk about poo and all things poo-related so freely. Sometimes I feel like a 12 year old boy... I have to explain to people in advance what atrocities may occur if I use their personal bathroom after a race or why I may disappear for a prolonged period of time immediately following a race. I have run twice with my cousin J and he has heard ALL about my issues. He taunted me outside the portapotty at the Turkey Trot and after the Capital City Quarter he asked, very seriously "How do you poop in a portapotty?". I thought I should answer him. Here goes... Using the portapotty is completely different than using a toilet in a public restroom. There is a chance that the toilet in the public restroom has been cleaned. There is usually no poo piling up in the toilet awaiting your arrival. There are handy dandy seat covers to put down to make your experience more pleasant. And most importantly you can flush the toilet and wash your hands. The portapotty is a means to an end. That's it. Nothing comfortable about it. And if you are a turtle runner like myself, the chance of you getting a clean potty are slim to none. Someone will have already had their way with the portapotty stall you are destined to use. The first thing you should do is come prepared. Know that the toilet paper provided for you will not be two ply and will likely not meet your cleaning needs. Not even temporary cleaning needs. I run with a CamelBak that has a pocket. I keep wet wipes in it for such occasions. Secondly, keep up with your squats in the gym, at home, at work on your lunch break, in church in the choir stand....Squat. Squatting to pee takes about 2 minutes at the most. Squatting to poo could take a lot longer. Make sure you are prepared to get a good workout in for the time you are confined to that tiny little stinkpot. If all else fails, you can grab the bottom of the door for stability or sit on the seat. If you sit on the seat, you may feel disgusting afterwards. God only knows what you have just introduced to your nether regions. In the event that you must sit on the seat, first try to paper it. If you do not have time for that and you go all in, make sure you are hosed down by Hazmat teams before you return to your home. Or you could take a shower. No matter what....Portapotty pooing is gross. No one ever warned me about any of this. Hopefully, if you have never experienced it, this will prepare you for it. Happy Pooing!!!